HAWKEN servers are up and our latest minor update is live!
Forgot Password_ SUPPORT REDEEM CODE

Jump to content


HWKN: Snowfall Part 1

Project Fanart Art Forum

  • Please log in to reply
13 replies to this topic

#1 Hijinks_The_Turtle

Hijinks_The_Turtle

    Advanced Member

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,569 posts
  • LocationTurtles be turtlin'

Posted April 18 2014 - 07:21 PM

STOP

If you've not read the previous chapters here:

HWKN Chapter 1: Snowfall part 1
Point in HWKN timeline: 6 Months and 2 Days after the 2nd Outbreak.

A blinding white snowstorm twisted violently around the frozen wasteland as Jin Ryu fought against the icy winds.  He tried to fix his modified caterpillar track van as his goggles fogged up. Jin took them off and scowled as he clumsily rubbed his goggles with his hands in bulky gloves.  I hate how I have to drive in this thing and not my axe.  As he put the goggles back on, a semitransparent topography map appeared in his mini HUD.  He noted how close he was to his destination and got back to work.  Jin swore as he dropped his arc welder from his numb hands.  Despite being covered in heavy military snow gear, I still feel cold.  Stupid Procurement guys never had to deal with this damn weather back in Andromeda.  Jin stared at the van’s twisted dark gray-black metal hole near the front of the van and sighed.  I’m close by, I’m sure this box on wheels can make it.  He gave up and jumped into the cabin as he tossed the welder into the glove compartment.  The van started with a cough and rumbled to life as Jin gently pushed on the accelerator.  After a few more metres he saw a rigid manmade structure appear.  What the heck is that_  He squinted through the white haze that surrounded him.

A large missile silo appeared from the swirling snow as Jin drove by.  The van went down a small slope in a large roughly circle depression in the ground.  The van slowed as Jin parked it and climbed the blocky structure’s rusty ladder and looked around.  A rigid pyramid structure jutted in the middle of the depression while an assortment of vehicles and buildings surrounded it.  He climbed down from the missile silo and walked toward one of the cumbersome vehicles.  Wow these things are ancient, then again I did choose to be at an isolated minor outpost.  Jin pressed his lips and narrowed his brows as he looked again toward the lone missile silo.  Fuzzy bunny, this place looks pretty poorly defended.  A column of axes with Hellfires and a squad of snipers could take this place down easy.

“Damn higher-ups.” Jin muttered as he walked into the pyramid’s locked hatch.  He patted the documents in his front pant pocket as he keyed the keypad for entrance.  “Typical for them to hang places like this out to dry while they stay safe with thousands of troops under metres of armor in a nice underground bunker.  At least it’ll be quiet here, no stupid high risk missions for me anymore.  No serious Sentium brigade would want to take this joke of a base.”

*****


Kaori Kurosawa walked around the armored hallways while scratching her dark messy hair under her bandana.  She nodded toward every member of Bunker 167 and gave a casual salute to any of her seniors when they passed by as she headed to her private office.  She heard heavy footsteps come toward her.

“Chief!” A grumpy male voice called. “Is Corporal Makoto back_  He was due forty minutes ago, I thought the guy was just placing sensors around the perimeter.”

Kaori turned and saw a tall man with stocky black hair under a beanie hat.  The man scowled toward the UI pad he was holding.  Malik always seemed to have a permanent frown on his face. “He radioed in a few minutes ago saying he saw something interesting and asked to investigate,” she frowned slightly.  “Malik, I thought we agreed to drop the ‘Chief’ nine years ago.  I’m not part of IPDF anymore, remember_”  She took out a cigarette from a pocket in her jacket and lit it.

“Uhh…. Right boss, I forgot we’re mercenaries now.”  Malik Rivera replied, giving her an uncharacteristic sheepish smile while handing her his UI pad as she took a puff.  “Anyway, it turns out we’re running a little low on supplies to the base.  That damn old Captain Wayden is still refueling and refitting his ship.  We need someone to head over to Eugen since that’s where the next shipment will be tomorrow.”

The UI pad vibrated as he finished his sentence.  Kaori glanced down and saw that someone was requesting entrance from the main entryway.  “Who the hell is calling in at this time_  Could it be Makoto_”

“No idea, ma’am.  If it’s him, may I have permission to shove a heat round up his behind for being late_” asked Malik with
a deadpan expression.

Kaori smiled faintly as they headed to the main entrance.  The two walked through a series of heavily armored elevators that weaved throughout the base.  I’m sure he’s joking… then again maybe not, Malik tried doing that last time.  Being in the police or military certainly includes the bonus of bad humor with all the horrible fighting going on.  Her smile faded as she remembered why she resigned from her former position at International Illalian Police Defense Force.  Frack, why now_  I got an unknown person to meet. I should act more like an officer, no tears this time.  Could it be that rookie that HQ sent us_  I definitely did not request for a new recruit, so who is this person_  Kaori dropped the spent cigarette on the floor and crushed it.

“Heya Kao- I mean Ms. Kurosawa!  I can’t wait to see this new guy, I hope he’s handsome.  Ack- Mr. Rivera!”  Exclaimed a young blond woman who dropped a few tools she was holding.  She wore the typical maintenance uniform of engineers found everywhere on Illal, except it was adorned with stickers.

“Why the fuzzy bunny are you so jumpy around me, Laila_ Dammit…” grunted the crabby man as Laila slowly backed away but still kept up with Kaori and him.  “What are you doing here, if all you do is lazing ‘round and complain about what we don’t have_  Aren’t you supposed to clean and recalibrate that prototype axe the rookie pilots_”  Kaori simply watched the exchange between the two, slightly amused.

Laila’s eyebrows furrowed as she pocketed the fallen tools and crossed her arms, “I’m not that lazy, you know_  The thing with that axe is that I can’t even understand how to fix and maintain it,” she glanced down the corridor she came from as they walked away from it. “Honestly, the manual that came with the darn thing is filled with ‘access restricted’, it’s a real pain…  Anyway, I figured the new guy might know how to maintain it since it’s his.”

Malik raised an eyebrow as they continued walking, “Right, I bet from your earlier comment that you just want to see how this guy looks like.  Typical foolish girl, grow up!  You’re nineteen already.”  Laila ignored his jibe and continued walking as they passed the last pressurized gate.  The trio stepped onto the last elevator that went up directly to the entrance as light flooded the opening.

Kaori’s eyes adjusted to the sudden intensity of light as a figure of medium height appeared.  “Hey is this Bunker 167_”  The figure asked as he smiled, the man had neat black hair that was combed over to the left side of his forehead and had a trimmed beard.  The man was covered in heavy beige snow gear with BNKR 167 neatly printed on one side of his modified parka.  On his shoulders rested two large duffel bags that shifted as he adjusted them to stand more comfortably.  “G1 Limited Jin Ryu, reporting for duty!”  A pause as Jin took out something in his pant pocket and gave it to Kaori and saluted.  “I believe you are the CO, right ma’am_”

“Yes, I’m Sergeant Major Kurosawa of Mech Ops around here,” Kaori replied as she motioned Malik to take the documents as they all went back to the depths of Bunker.  She introduced him to Malik and Laila.  “We don’t use those type of ranks around here, so your new rank will be Private.  We’re mercenaries, so a few rules that you learned are changed and it’s a little more lax around here compared to what you’re used to.”  She noticed him glancing around, casually observing entrances, security cameras, hallways, and guard turrets.  The way he looks around… That’s no rookie move, that’s how a spy finds an escape route.  Also… Why would a rookie have an experimental axe in the first place_  She noted that his gait and the way he held himself looked more like a seasoned vet.  I’ve got a feeling he’s not who he says he is.  Why pretend to be a rookie_  What’s your angle here_  She pressed her lips and continued, “We’re glad you’re here, I was rather surprised that HQ sent us a new recruit.  Even if we are a bit understaffed, almost no new recruits go here since this is a backwater outpost.”

“I was shocked as well, they told me I was to be shipped out two days ago so I had to rush packing everything and it turns out my axe was sent here before I made it.”  Jin said in an embarrassed tone.  “Sorry if I was late, I was chosen to test out the new systems of the prototype recently.  I’ve only clocked twenty three hours with it.  I’m sure that maintenance manual gave you some trouble.  If only I got here sooner…”

Now that’s a cute little backstory…  Anybody could make that up, so maybe not a spy.  He’s obviously more than he says he is, though.  What’s his reason for being here_

“About that, Jin…  Do you know how to calibrate it_  The systems are more advanced than many of the axes I’m used to.”  Laila told him.  “Could you show me and Mr. Medens, our Mech Maintenance Chief, how to maintain it_”

“Yeah, sure thing ma’am.”  Jin told her as they got near Kaori’s office.  Kaori could see him looking at her, slightly interested.

I doubt he’s checking her out.  Gauging her experience through rank and her build maybe_

“It’s just Laila, meet me in the hangar later, ‘kay_”  She told him as she walked toward the hall that lead to the hangar.
Kaori waited until Laila’s footsteps faded away.  She gave a glance toward Malik, and took the hint and left.  Soon it was just her and Jin.  “May we talk inside my office_  I got a few questions for you.”

“Of course ma’am, what sort of questions_”  Jin asked while smoothening out the wrinkles in his pilot jumpsuit under the snow gear.  “Is… there a problem with my documents_”

She eyed him carefully while beckoning him in.  “Just come in, it’s just I need to ask you on a few things about yourself.”
Jin hesitated for a few split seconds as he look at her.  “Um… okay ma’am.”  She saw Jin’s eyes narrow slightly and his right fist ball up but still kept up the rookie act.

Gotcha.  Something’s definitely up.  Guess my time at IPDF wasn’t just a waste, time to be more direct.  She sat down at her chair and placed her TAC Pistol on the desk, close to her hand while lighting a cigarette.  “Please sit down.”  A slight pause as he sat opposite to her, eyeing the gun.  “Don’t worry, no one can hear us in here and the door is locked.”  She leaned in closer with a cold steady stare and said, “Who are you really_  Why is a person like you here_”

Jin’s face and whole demeanor changed as he gave her an even colder look in return.  “Look ma’am, all I want is a quiet place to stay at.  I am who I told you, that’s all you need to know.”  Kaori saw his right hand slip into his pocket as she puffed a cloud of smoke.  “Anyway, why is that blond girl even in the military_  Her actions tell me she’s not been in actual combat.”

“She’s just maintaining mechs and aiding around the base.”  Kaori replied while taking another puff.  Why is he interested in her_

“Liar.  Her rank and badge indicates she’s done some combat.  However, her actions say she hasn’t.”  He paused, searching Kaori’s face for some weakness and suddenly smirked.  “Ah… I see.  I’m guessing you baby her, don’t you_  Trying to play mommy for her_”

“No, I’m not.  Besides, she’s always like that.”  Kaori said through gritted teeth.  She tried to keep her cool as she stomped on her cigarette but Jin noticed the slight changes in her expression.  Damn I’m rusty, when did this turn against me_  Kaori never felt so tempted to punch someone’s face until now.  This guy…  He’s the same age as Shae and yet this complete jerk is talking to me like this_

“Judging by how you reacted and the fact that you smoke… I can surmise that you probably had family problems as well.  I bet you’re trying to show up whoever messed up fuzzy bunny you had as a parent and-“

Kaori picked him up by the hood and slammed him face first on the desk.  “Look, do you want a place to stay or not_”  She waved the pistol toward the back of his head but made sure the barrel didn’t touch it. Her left grip tightened on his hood as she brought the pistol closer.  “I’ll ask again.  Why are you here_  I’m normally very even tempered, you just caught me in a bad day.”  She lifted Jin’s hood a little so he could speak.

“What do you mean, ma’am_ I’m just a concerned patron of lovely Illal.  I don’t want inexperienced people in combat.  Especially when the superior officer is holding them back.  Maybe I could help train he-“

A klaxon alarm sounded as Kaori let go of Jin.  She heard heavy footsteps pound down the hall outside as Malik unlocked and barged through the door.  “Sarge!  Enemy Sentium forces appeared on the ridge heading straight toward us.  Makoto got shot down but he survived and radioed in to warn us!”

“Frack.  At a time like this_”  Kaori grimaced, “Alright, Jin help us out if you want to stay.”

Jin did his rookie act again.  “Sure thing ma’am!  I’ll defend the base.”  He saluted and rushed off toward the hangar.

“Fraking IPDF probably got bribed to let them through.  This is why I hate them, damn corporations and the government are rotten to the core.”  Muttered Kaori as she strode out with Malik, “Malik, tell the hangar crew to prep our axes up.”  It’s going to be a long day.


***


Part 1 ends.


***

Hey guys!   No, I'm technically not back from my hiatus yet, I just found some time to finally post it.  Here it is!  Enjoy the first part of Snowfall, it's so epic I had to split it into two parts!  (Currently typing second part)
Make sure you like this, follow, and comment!  I was planning to put the picture on here, but it's not quite done yet and I'm very busy.  Maybe for part two...(_)  Please tell me if you find any errors and stuff, I'm rather busy as of now and I will fix it as soon as I get done with the irl stuff.  Character bios will be updated at a later time.

Thanks to:

Mags- For all the facts and stuff for Ilall.
Lazy K- For being the first person to support me and on other stuffs.
Wisp- For being my editor for this particular piece.
Sandspider- For answering that post I made and helping my project grow.


Thanks for reading!  Part 2 will come!

Update:  Chapter fully edited!
Update2:  A few more edits at the request of BoompigXD

Edited by Hijinks_The_Turtle, June 07 2014 - 07:15 AM.


#2 Silverfire

Silverfire

    Advanced Member

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 2,042 posts
  • LocationThe Depths of Coruscant

Posted April 18 2014 - 08:36 PM

Good writing! Look forward to more :)

Posted Image

Check out my new short film Prebirth: The Eternal War! Check out my e-peen!

Need to find a mech guide_ Well, look here!
Intel Core i3 2120 @ 3.30 GHz |  Corsair XMS3 8GB RAM | eVGA GTX 550Ti 1GB OC | Corsair CX600 PSU


#3 Wi2P

Wi2P

    Advanced Member

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 677 posts
  • Location.. Recalculating ..

Posted April 19 2014 - 05:36 AM

I would run over it (figuratively speaking) for run-on sentences. That was the main issue I noticed throughout: A keen lack of pauses in many of the paragraphs. I can go over it sometime and highlight all of these, if you like.

Otherwise, I enjoyed the introduction to Jin and Bunker 167! Let it snow! ;)

Edited by Wi2P, April 19 2014 - 05:36 AM.


#4 Hijinks_The_Turtle

Hijinks_The_Turtle

    Advanced Member

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,569 posts
  • LocationTurtles be turtlin'

Posted April 19 2014 - 02:26 PM

View PostWi2P, on April 19 2014 - 05:36 AM, said:

I would run over it (figuratively speaking) for run-on sentences. That was the main issue I noticed throughout: A keen lack of pauses in many of the paragraphs. I can go over it sometime and highlight all of these, if you like.

Otherwise, I enjoyed the introduction to Jin and Bunker 167! Let it snow! ;)

Sure go ahead.  I knew I was doing some stuff wrong.  Just pm me the fixes and stuff.

#5 Dr_Freeze001

Dr_Freeze001

    Advanced Member

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 394 posts
  • LocationBelgium, GMT+1

Posted April 19 2014 - 03:31 PM

I like it :)! Please do continue.

#6 Hijinks_The_Turtle

Hijinks_The_Turtle

    Advanced Member

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,569 posts
  • LocationTurtles be turtlin'

Posted April 19 2014 - 05:41 PM

Major edits coming along!  I'll post them soon as possible.  Man, that's a lot of run-on sentences.  (T~T)  Me and Wisp will try to get it out ASAP!  Stay tuned!  Hopefully, I'll have more time later on today or sometime next week.

Edited by Hijinks_The_Turtle, April 19 2014 - 05:42 PM.


#7 Hijinks_The_Turtle

Hijinks_The_Turtle

    Advanced Member

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,569 posts
  • LocationTurtles be turtlin'

Posted April 22 2014 - 06:19 PM

Hey guys!  It's finally edited!  Go ahead and read the polished version!  I added a few more details to make it flow better and removed those aweful mistakes I made when I was nearly half asleep!  Please tell me how it is or tell me if I somehow have a few mistakes still left there!

#8 Hijinks_The_Turtle

Hijinks_The_Turtle

    Advanced Member

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,569 posts
  • LocationTurtles be turtlin'

Posted April 22 2014 - 06:19 PM

Whoops double post. XD

Edited by Hijinks_The_Turtle, April 22 2014 - 06:20 PM.


#9 KilleR_OrigiNs

KilleR_OrigiNs

    Advanced Member

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 221 posts
  • LocationLast Sighted: Praxis Valley

Posted April 26 2014 - 04:01 AM

Fantastic work, very in depth and extremely detailed. I find the way you describe the relationships between individuals fantastic, and I look froward to more ^-^
Posted Image

eth0 said:

are you made of cupcakes and puppies_

View PostSylhiri, on July 13 2014 - 10:29 PM, said:

Never underestimate the power of the epeen.

View PostSatelliteJack, on July 13 2014 - 10:46 PM, said:

Droppin' wisdom bombs

#10 BoompigXD

BoompigXD

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 312 posts

Posted April 26 2014 - 04:41 AM

View PostHijinks_The_Turtle, on April 18 2014 - 07:21 PM, said:

Now that’s a cute little backstory…  Anybody could make that up, so not a spy.  He’s obviously more than he says he is, though.  What’s his reason for being here_


Wat

Posted Image


#11 Hijinks_The_Turtle

Hijinks_The_Turtle

    Advanced Member

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,569 posts
  • LocationTurtles be turtlin'

Posted April 26 2014 - 07:53 AM

View PostBoompigXD, on April 26 2014 - 04:41 AM, said:

View PostHijinks_The_Turtle, on April 18 2014 - 07:21 PM, said:

Now that’s a cute little backstory…  Anybody could make that up, so not a spy.  He’s obviously more than he says he is, though.  What’s his reason for being here_


Wat

I can explain this:  Kaori is an experienced veteran who has had training in the IPDF (Illal Police Defense Force).   Veteran cops (like the ones today) can have a 'gut feeling' that something isn't right about a person who seems suspicious.  Little details and subtle things people do jump out at them like warning signs due to extensive experience out in the field.  (Especially if you live in a planet as dismal as Illal.)   I'll try to edit the piece later to make this more clear.

However, right now I'm quite busy!  Thanks for pointing this out!

Edited by Hijinks_The_Turtle, June 07 2014 - 07:15 AM.


#12 SandSpider

SandSpider

    Advanced Member

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 795 posts
  • LocationThe ninth dimension

Posted April 28 2014 - 03:26 AM

WOW, nice work! Finally read it, been busy doing other things so haven't been on here much. I like the attention to detail, very nice. Good flow too. Can't fault it.

#13 Magnolia1038

Magnolia1038

    Advanced Member

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 284 posts
  • LocationThe Pen Is Mightier Than The Axe

Posted May 02 2014 - 01:34 PM

Excellent read! Story flows very well!

#14 Hijinks_The_Turtle

Hijinks_The_Turtle

    Advanced Member

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,569 posts
  • LocationTurtles be turtlin'

Posted May 02 2014 - 01:50 PM

View PostMagnolia1038, on May 02 2014 - 01:34 PM, said:

Excellent read! Story flows very well!

Thanks! :P





Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Project, Fanart, Art, Forum

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users